We’re only a couple weeks away from Christmas which means most people are preparing for their much-anticipated trip home for the holiday, full of binge-eating and regressing to hanging out in cozies in a child-like state on their parents’ couch ( bcuz that’s what the holidays are for right?!).
But for some of us, this trip home can feel like an advent calendar of anxiety and holiday stress — where instead of tiny delicious pieces of chocolate, every day reveals the gift of a new fear or source of stress about the holiday’s that we seemingly forgot about throughout the year. Sometime’s families aren’t always how they should be and that’s completely normal. No one is perfect.
SO I WANTED TO SHARE THESE IMPORTANT FESTIVE REMINDERS…
Holiday’s are all about traditions and when things’s don’t go as planned or if all of a sudden you find your holidays looking completely different, that can be super overwhelming. If any of this sounds familiar to you, know that you’re not alone, and that it doesn’t have to be this way. Try to remember its okay. Christmas is just one day. It takes more effort to stress yourself out about it than to develop a plan and just let it be what it is.
Whatever you may be feeling is valid. It’s okay to not want to be around negative family, or to be stressed and overwhelmed or nervous about all the parties, or to not feel like celebrating. It’s okay to put yourself first, especially when it comes to toxic energy and situations around the holidays. Be gentle with yourself, especially around this time of year.
Try to remember these tips + strategies so you can face any situation you’re put in this holiday, head on.
REDUCE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Chances are your feelings of anxiety or stress weren’t conjured from thin air. More than likely, you’ve had a few past experiences that you’re afraid may repeat themselves, like getting asked “So you’re still single?!”.
If you keep your expectations low, it doesn’t take much to exceed them and you won’t be disappointed if things don’t go how you planned. I get it, this is easier said than done, but try to keep an attitude that whatever happens, is gonna happen and as long as you make it through the day, anything positive that happens will just be a bonus.
2. FORTIFY YOUR WALLS
aka set your boundaries & stick to them!
If you know you’re going to be in a situation that’s stressful, like hanging around those toxic family members, or seeing your aunt that always offers to set you up, it’s important that you face the situation in the best shape possible.
That means both emotionally (by knowing your boundaries & how to stick to them!) and physically (cause you already know they go hand in hand). Eat right, sleep right, exercise right and practice self care. Check in with your spiritual and emotional health as well and are sure that you’re in a place to identify healthy behaviors from toxic ones so you can react maturely. When you are able to identify and recognize that these behaviors aren’t a reflection of you, it’s less likely you’ll be affected.
3.PLAN AHEAD
Once you’ve figured out exactly what parts of holiday time with your family trouble the boundaries you’re going to put in place, its time to plan ahead and figure out what you’re going to do when/if they cross your boundaries, like what kind of conversations you’re willing to have with them and how you can get yourself to a “space space” (whether that means another room, or leaving altogether).
You know what your triggers are, so instead of being blindsided by them, plan what you’re going to say/do when they’re activated – and then rehearse that response until it rolls off the tongue naturally.
And this is definitely a last case scenario because hopefully no ones familia is this toxic, but make sure you have a plan if things become impossible to bear. Do you have hometown friends who will let you spend the night on their couch? Do you know the local train or bus schedule to get yourself back home?
4. REWARD YOURSELF
Make sure to take some time to reward yourself after the holiday for all the grace and composure you kept throughout everything. Chances are things could have been a lot worse, so make sure to reward yourself with a little extra something you may have wanted but didn’t get, or with some quality “me” time at the spa! No matter what happens, everyone deserves a little refresh after the holiday craziness!
5. TAKE SPACE FOR YOURSELF
This may be a challenging thing to do, based on how much space is available where you are staying but its important to have some space to call yours. Being able to retreat to this space at the end of the day, or even for some afternoon time out, may be the breather you need to get through those hours of enforced contact.
If you can’t pull this off without causing great offense, then look for other opportunities to get out of the environment, such as going for an afternoon walk or hitting up an old friend to hang out, or at least have on stand by to text when things get rough.
6. THINK OF THE END GAME
Even though it can be easy to get caught in the moment and think about everything else going on in our life but, the reality is that these special moments with our families, like holidays and Christmases, will not be around forever.
Time passes, and not to get all emo on ya, but eventually your family members will too (maybe when you least expect it) and after that happens, things probably won’t be the same.
As much as possible, try to remain present and set aside all feelings of negativity and enjoy the day for what it is – a chance for you to spend some quality time and make some memories with your family that you will treasure forever.
Christmas can be a super-stressful time. But with these strategies, you’ll be surviving Christmas with your family no problem – and maybe even with dignity and grace!
If you have the gift of a routine christmas than treasure please try to treasure that, you’re extremely lucky. After all, getting to make memories with the people who really make you happy and feel loved throughout the year is so much more valuable than anything you can wrap up in a box and put under a tree.
